I don’t know why I do it. I know The Bachelor is ridiculous and silly, and still I continue to watch. Even after the fiasco disaster that was the Courtney and Ben season, I continue to watch.
And here we are now, at the winding down of hunkorama Sean (whom I personally don’t find attractive AT ALL)’s season. He’s deciding between Lindsay (the girl who came out of the limo in a wedding dress on the season opener) and Catherine.
He has just majorly dumped the woman who was declaring him her “soulmate” after knowing him for a month or two. Personally, I can’t wait for it to be over, and I don’t care who he picks at this point.
And still, I’m going to watch it till the bloody end. After all, next week is “Women Tell All” and we all get to commiserate about how much we (as a country) hate Tierra, so, why not?
Luckily for my sanity, a new show has appeared on the horizon: Burning Love.
They might not say this in promos, but it’s a Bachelor parody. And WHY THE HELL did it take so long to do a show like this?
I don’t know. I just know that Burning Love is here now to SAVE us. Dear God, is this show funny!!!!!
It started on the Web. It won a bunch of Streamy Awards recently, so E! brilliantly picked it up. It airs now after The Bachelor. Brilliant. A perfect antidote.
We have some of the familiar elements. Michael Ian Black is doing a fantastic Chris Harrison. Ken Marino (hot stud) is in the Bachelor role, hilarious and wonderful so far.
I almost wish they stayed really closer to exactly the Bachelor format. For example, there are 26 girls at the beginning. Burning Love had less. And they got rid of five on the first night.
Among the competing contestants, we had Noureen DeWulf as Titi (the breast-baring contestant); Natasha Leggero as Haley (the lower privates-baring contestant); Deanna Russo as the blind girl—strike that, the blind PHOTOGRAPHER (ha!); Beth Dover as the suicidal one; Kristen Bell as the one who’s found Jesus; Malin Akerman as Willow; the writer of the episode, Erica Oyama as Shera; and Ken Jeong as Ballerina.
Sadly, Ballerina is the first one kicked out, when “the girls vote.” Hilarious. And hilariously plays on the rumors that some Bachelors are actually gay.
“She was the only one I really vibed with,” says Marino’s character.
There is also an old lady (like 85 year old). They have to shout at her that she’s received “a hose.”
“If you do not receive a hose, you will be sent home.” Seriously, this stuff makes me laugh and laugh. The hose, of course, being very phallic looking. And, I suppose, supposed to be playing on the fact, you know, that he’s a fireman…
Blind girls, old ladies, guys dressed as women, girls showing their privates, girls who are too drunk, girls dressed in bear costumes. Typical Bachelor season.
Hilarious. I LOVE Burning Love.
Oh, and in a poignant twist in the first episode, the chick in the bear costume (who never took off her panda bear outfit), takes of her head in the limo, as she’s been sent packing. Turns out, she’s Jennifer Aniston.
See? You shouldn’t judge a book by its cover, people. (Brilliant.)
I cannot bow down enough to Burning Love on E. (Follow them on Twitter at @BurningLoveonE.) Watch it Monday nights 10 pm. You’ll be so glad you did. ESPECIALLY if you have ever watched The Bachelor.
(I can’t wait till they get to the fantasy suite episodes!) (Also available online, if you just can’t wait. They are filming their second season (a Bachelorette version) now.